For many of us, maintaining a loving relationship is the hardest job we will ever have.
Why does it have to be this way? In the beginning we are like two little kids sharing ice cream - having the time of our lives. But eventually someone has to take care of those little kids, buy the groceries, make supper, you know, provide the infrastructure. All too often the people involved don't have the skills they need to take care of their relationship so they can have more great times devouring their sundaes. I teach these skills to all couples who come in for assistance.
Frequently when couples start therapy they know they need to communicate better. Better communication is not about getting your partner to understand your position so (s)he will comply with you. Couples need to comprehend that how they communicate is just as important as what they communicate. For example: a wife may feel like her husband doesn't listen to her when she is talking about what is important to her. She doesn't realize that the way she speaks makes her husband feel like he is getting a lecture. Perhaps in her need to be understood and fear that she won’t be, she gives so many details that her husband is overwhelmed by her words and tunes her out. When people know each other well, there can be an incredible amount of sedulity in how they set each other off. Understanding how this all happens often brings humor and makes it possible to come together with compassion instead of defensiveness.
I am particularly skilled as a couple therapist at following your moment to moment interactions. During the session I will illustrate how you hurt or disengage with one another. You will learn how to avoid these moments or repair them once they have happened so that a deep trust between you can emerge. Avoiding or interrupting negative patterns will help you move from distancing and power struggles to a deep intimate connection. I give partners guidance and suggestions so you can bring what you learn in the sessions to your lives at home.
In couple therapy sessions I draw on a variety of therapy approaches that I have learned over the years including Gestalt Therapy, Transactional Analysis and the work of John Gottman.
You are welcome to call (608 255-8838 extension 5) or E-mail me (ann.veilleux@juno.com), and I will be happy to talk with you or make a first face to face appointment. Let’s work together to reestablish the love that brought you together in the first place.
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